Hilo: A Halo parody
by Da-bomb-575
Summary: READ AND BE WARNED! this story is funny........... chapter 3 is up
1. Chapter 1:Elvis comes to halo b

discliamer: i hate having to do this over and over again but i guess i have to i own none of this crap so dont sue me!!!  
  
Hilo:A Halo Parady  
  
by:Da-bomb-575  
  
BUUUUUUURRRRRRRIIIIPPPP!!!! Master Chief expels noxtious gasses from his ass. "Sorry Cortana," says the Chief, "i shouldn't have had that burrito for lunch". "Damn Chief," Exclaims Cortana, " Light a Match". Just then 12 Covenant grunts bust through the wall. "Hey dude," the grunts say," wanna get high with us, we are so fucking messed up right now, oh by the way are you human or covenant". "Uuhh *cough* Covenant," says Chief." Oh cool wanna get high with us then," the grunts say. The Chief then says "sure".  
  
-3 1/2 hours later-  
  
"PoT!!!!" screams the Chief."Heads!!!!" scream the grunts."Uh huh damn right thats what we are,"the Chief says while laughing his ass off."Hey, ummm you guys wouldn't no if there are any more, ummm Halos do you," the Chief says to the grunts. "Yes, of course there are idiot," the grunts say, " just take four lefts and you'll be there"."But that would put it where we are at right... so we are on one right now!!!," screams the Chief."Of course you jackass,"say the grunts. Master Chief then smokes 2 more joints and leaves to go kick some covenant ass.  
  
After killing all of the covenant in a small valley exept one lone elite a man in white pants and a white leather jacket with sparkly stuff walks up to the Chief and says elvis-ishly ," uuuh huuh, yo Master chief kill the mother fucking elite he stoll my gosh damn money". "Oh my god!!!," says Master Chief ,"its Elvis!!!! but wait you were supposed to be dead like 582 years ago". "Nah man im just a clone," says the elvis clone," now would you please go kick that dude's ass". Master Chief then bashes the elite three times and elvis goes and grabs his money. The Master Chief then walks into the before unnoticed jungle.  
  
While walking through the jungle the chief gets ambushed by a monkey with red eyes. "AAAAAAAAAAHH!!! demon monkey, demon monkey!!!!," Screams the Master Chief. The monkey then steals the Master Chief's assualt rifle. "Oh my god," screams the Master Chief," a demon monkey stole my assult rifle!!!!". The Master Chief then give's Chase to the monkey and says "Cortana track that stupid possessed.. thing!!!". Master Chief then catches up with the monkey and beats it to a pulp, the monkey then dies. The monkey(after laying dead a few seconds) comes back to life with normal eyes. "Hhhhmmmm, normal monkey," says the Master Chief," you shall be my lacky, Pimppy".  
  
The Chief then finds a ship and starts on the long journy home. "Chief we are running out of gas," screams Cortana.The Chief then eats ten bean burritos (while pop-eye music is playing in the back round) and sticks his ass on the fuel nozzle and lets out a big one BBBRRRRIIIIPPPP!!!!!!!. Ten planets blew up, 50,000,000 people died, and Billions were injured on acount of sky rocketing noxtious gas levels. The Chief then gets home and begins therapy.  
  
THIS IS THE END OF CHAPTER ONE BUT THERE IS STILL CHAPTER TWO AND IF YOU DONT READ IT IM GONNA BE MAD AS HELL SO :p 


	2. Chapter 2:Chief goes to therapy

Chapter Two  
  
Chief's Therapy  
  
Were we last left off chief just got off the other halo with his new lacky, Pimpy. and got back to earth to begin therapy because he is starting to get slightly pshycotic. Now lets join the session in progress.  
  
(Scene: master Cheif lays in the bed thingie while therpist is sitting in office chair holding a clipboard and playing tic-tac-toe pimpy is sitting on the chief's sholder)  
  
"I guess it all started when I was a Kid," says the Chief, " I was taken away from my family when i was six and replaced by a clone----,". The chief gets interupted " I've linked your problem to sexual relations did you have sex when you were a kid?" says the therapist. "What!!!," Screams the Chief," of course not, Chief dont Chief that way, well any way after i was taken away they trained me to intensly till i was fourteen". " Yes but are you sure you didn't have sex at a young age," says the therapist. "Of course I'm sure i didn't have sex as a kid you perve!!!!" screams the Chief," well lets continue I have had all of my friends die and I guess that could contribute to it". "Yes I know you had sex at a young age I'm not deaf," says the therapist," you might have to get away from the house for a while to make your forget about your past sexual relations at a young age, now leave I want some privacy I need to get high and jack off"."Ok," says the Chief walking off and thinking to himself that the therapist was a retarded jack ass.  
  
(Scene: Master Chief is in a warthog next to the speaker at a Mc Donald's drive-thru)  
  
"Ok I want five double cheeseburgers and six servings of large french fries," says the Chief, " Oh and a liter-a-cola". "Um we dont serve cola sir, we only have Mountain Dew, Pepsi, and Dr. Pepper," says the speaker. "Oh my god you dont even have cola shit you guys need to upgrade your fucking invetory!!!!" screams the Cheif," well i guess ill get a Pepsi then". "Would you like to super-size that for one dollar more," says the speaker. " No, I dont think I will thank you," says the Chief. "Its only a dollar and you get so much more I would do it," says the speaker. "I don't care what the fuck you would do, I don't wanna do it," says the Chief. " But a large will not fill you up and you will just come back an hour later wanting some more," says the speaker. "No!!! I do not want to fucking super- size it idiot, and that final," Says the Chief. "Ok, ok sir," says the speaker while saying "super-size" it in the back round. The chief then pulls up to the second window and get is super-sized food then pulls out and drives towarda hotel like the therapist.  
  
(Scene:A hotel lobby Master Chief is on one side of the counter and a hotel clerk is on the other side)  
  
"Ok I want a room with a single bed, a large tv with Nick, Cartoonnetwork, and Commedy Central," says the Chief," oh, and a continental breakfast"."Ok would you like to upgrade to a double bed and a big screen HDTV for 100 dollars more a night," says the clerk. "No," says the Chief, " I just want what I asked for". "Are you sure," says the clerk," the large tv is a nice addition". "No god damnit," Says the Chief," well then again, I guess a large tv would make South Park look cooler". "Ok big screen tv," says the clerk,"would you like all of the movie channels for 25 dollars more". "No,(sigh) I dont watch movies much," says the Chief. " Are you sure, you get Hbo, Showtime, Cinemax, and Encore which all have premium movies," says the clerk. "No god damnit I don't watch movies," screams the Master Chief ," No, No, No and thats final". "Ok,ok dont get pushy sir, no movies," says the clerk. " what about free pourn for the first night". "No, NO MORE QUESTIONS!!!!!" screams the Chief. " Oh come on sir its free and all men like to uh ..... choke the chicken every once in the while," says the clerk. The Chief thinks about it and decides to get the free pourn. The Chief after going through all this shit goes to the elvator and thinks about how much fun he is going to have that night.  
  
THE END  
  
IF YOU WANT ANOTHER CHAPTER PUT IT IN THE REVIEW 


	3. Chapter 3:More cheif hijinx

Disclaimer: i have no rights to halo or any other copy righted junk in this fic  
  
Hilo: a Halo Parody  
Ch. 3  
More Chief Hijinx  
  
"Chief!" screams Cortana, "wake up, there's someone at the door you ass". "Huh," the Chief says groggily,"ah fuck, I was having and awesome dream damnit, I was fucking gettin' head, shit!". "Stop screaming you fucking basterd and just answer the frieking door!" screams Cortana. "Ok, but only if you shut up," says Chief. "Fine," says Cortana. The Chief gets up and walks to the door. "I have a package for.... Cortana," a man in a delivery uniform says. The chief signs the form and walks back inside the house. "What the fuck is this...," asks MC. "Its a robotic suit I can be uploaded into," says Cortana," oh, and I got you a little something to." "Sweet!" MC exclaims, " a blowup doll, I couldn't be happier." "Oh yes you could," says Cortana, " look again." "I'll say it again, Sweet!" screams MC, " two season passes to Six Flags." " Thank you, Cortana," says MC, " now I couldn't be happier."  
  
---------------------------------part 2 MC goes to Six Flags----------------------------  
  
"Damn!" exclaimes MC, " you walk 15 miles through the blazin' hot sun to get to the rides and they expect you to pay $20 for a damn bottle of water." "Haha," says Cortana from inside the robotic suit," good thing I dont need water." "Shut the fuck up before I stick a grenade in your mouth slot," says MC. The robotic mouth shuts and cortana gives the chief a dirty look. "Now lets go on Viper, you up for it," asks MC. The Cortana suit nods. "Cool, no lines," says chief. The Chief and Cortana get on a train and wait to go. Halfway through the ride MC's saftey restraints fly off and he flys strait out of the car on the top of a loop he hits the ground and passes out. "Chief, Chief wake up you fucker," screams Cortana, "you fell out of the car, hit the ground, and passed out." "The restraints must've been defective," says MC. "Actually no," says Cortana, " I opened your restraints on that loop so you would fall out, I thought it would be funny, AND IT WAS HAHAHAHA!!!!!". "MC plucks Cortana out of the robotic suit, puts a grenade in the mouth slot, and pulls the pin, the suit blows up."I've had enough of that suit and of this park lets leave," says MC. The MC turns and leaves the park.  
  
---------------------------------part 3 shellfish, alcohol, and vomiting-------------------------------  
  
We now see MC in a resturaunt without the robotic suit Cortana is now back in the Mjolnier armor. the waiter walks up and says, " May I take your order." " Yeah, I'd like the sample platter please and no shellfish I'm allergic," says MC. " Ok, sample platter minus shelfish gotchya," says the waiter," that'll be out in a few minutes". The chief waits a few minutes gets his food and eats it, we now zoom to two hours later.  
2 hours later "Bleaaaeeah," MC vomits. " All traces of shellfish leaving your system," says Cortana," I told you not to eat those little round things." " How was I to know that that was oysters," says MC," just shut the fuck up, and remind me to sue that place later." The MC gets up, gets a towel, and wipes his face. "Lets go out Cortana," says MC, " I need to forget today." The MC then leaves, and we zoom to the next morning.  
the next morning "Chief wake up your fucker," screams Cortana. The Chief then wakes up and vomits. "Damn do I have a hell of a hangover," groans MC, " I shouldnt have had them twelve shots of tequilla last night." " And you should've took chaser," says Cortana. " I need a cold shower and a good cup of coffee," says MC. The MC turns on the coffee pot and walks into the bathroom and takes a cold shower.  
  
THE END ??????  
  
WELL I HOPE YOU LIKED IT. IF YOU WANT MORE CHAPTERS PLZ LEAVE REVIEWS THAT SAY SO.  
  
P.S. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPEND TO PIMPY HE DIED DURING A FREEK MONKEY EXPERIMENT ACCIDENT (say that five times fast. lol)  
  
P.S.S. MC= MASTER CHIEF 


End file.
